Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
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