I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
