I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
