And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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