You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Randomize
