is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Randomize
