Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
