put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
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I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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