at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
Dignity is for republicans.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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