The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
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