it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize
