Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Randomize
