Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
