just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
Randomize
