I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
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