and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
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