Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
