I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
