Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
