What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
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