my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
Im not coming back to that place until im drunk. If I walk in there sober Ill start screaming uncontrollably. Not words, just sounds.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
