I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
