So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
