The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
