You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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