I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
