I'm lost and stupid without you.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Randomize
