I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
