i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
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I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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