And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
