those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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