You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
