Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
