During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
Sex with him is like pizza, it can be shitty but its stillll pizza.....
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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