Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Randomize
