I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
