You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
