We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
