I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
