I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Randomize
