All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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