I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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