im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Randomize
