I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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