i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Randomize
