where does the pee come out of this thing
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize
