i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I know what youre going to say and vodka only explains half of my sitation
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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