he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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