At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Randomize