what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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