I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
