hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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