why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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