I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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