yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
