Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
Where did you get a picture of my penis
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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