Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
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She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
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I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
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