Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
