she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Randomize
