I got chris browned last night
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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