i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
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Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
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I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
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