i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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