Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I'm gonna write a song for the kids called "you're systematically killing your mother". In it I will explain that my recent hypertension and increase in smoking is due to them being dicks
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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