Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
