I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
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I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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