Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
