So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
