We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
I miss vodka workout Fridays
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
