I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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