Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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