Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
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Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
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I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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