maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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