Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
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He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
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Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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