Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Passing las posas road. In a world of pain. Im trying to piss in a bottle through the hole in my crotch. I wish i had a bigger dick.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
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