so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Randomize
