OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
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