you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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