Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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