Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
Randomize
