I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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