Yo dont text me then not text me
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
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