your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
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