How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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