Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
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