She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I can feel your judgement through the phone
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
Randomize
