the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
